Pebbles of Peace 2009: Reconciliation

The 7th annual youth forum, “Pebbles of Peace outweighing Boulders of Violence” was held at Cardinal Stritch University on Friday, November 15, 2009.

Our theme this year was reconciliation, since that the United Nations had declared  2009 the International Year of Reconciliation. See http://www.unic-ir.org/Recouncilation.pdf

http://www.unic-ir.org/Recouncilation.pdf

The group saw a skit performed by the House of Peace Teen Leaders that introduced the concepts of apology, forgiveness and reconciliation in this way: Complete reconciliation requires both apology and forgiveness. However you can forgive someone who harmed you, even if that person never repents or apologies; you can also repent and forgive yourself, even if a person you harmed will not hear your apology or forgive you.

The group also saw a series of movie clips that showed different types of apologies. This led to deep table conversations about apologies. Here are some typical and insightful comments made about childhood apologies:

Memories of childhood apologies:

Started an argument with a family member… drove my dad’s car and dented the garage… hit or punched a younger family member or classmate… broke my mom’s vase… drew on the walls… took something from someone or from a store… knocked down my family’s flag pole… was nasty or disrespectful to parents or other adults…

How/why did you apologize?

I didn’t want our relationship to be bad, so I went to the person to say I was sorry… I waited for a good time, and I promised to fix things up… I said I was sorry and gave her a bag of candy… I confessed because I knew it would be important to do… I apologized because my mother told me I needed to… I said I was sorry and that I would never do anything else like that again, and I was believed and forgiven… I had to apologize because someone told on me…

What was it like?

It was hard, because at first, I was ignored… At first I was scared, but then I was happy when we were reconciled… It was pretty rough, but I knew it was the right thing to do… I felt really bad for doing a horrible action, and I knew the best thing was to show how sorry I was… I didn’t like apologizing, but did it because that’s what I was told to do… It was tense, but it got better eventually… I felt really embarrassed, because I knew I had done wrong.

The tables discussed what makes an apology sincere or insincere, as well as the personal consequences when a person withholds forgiveness for harm done or refuses to repent for a wrong he or she committed against another person.

Restorative justice was explained to the group as a process used by a community to assist with righting a wrong. Instead of (or sometimes in addition to) a traditional punishment, a talking circle helps establish what happened, who was harmed and how, what could have prevented the harm, what the resulting feelings and consequences are, and what might restore justice to those who have been harmed.

Table leaders led their small groups through a talking circle process to demonstrate what happens when restorative justice method is used as a response to a situation in which two students stole a car and crashed it into a tree.

Each table wrote up their comments on newsprint. They were invited to make comments regarding their thoughts about restorative justice, and its place in schools and/or the criminal justice system. If the table had differing opinions, they were asked to put down both points of view.

Table #1: Restorative Justice will help the people of Milwaukee. It will bring people together and reduce crime in the community.

 Table #2: The criminal justice system could be improved with restorative justice. It is cost efficient; not sending people to jail can cut costs. Jail time can increase the chance of committing crime again.

Restorative justice can show criminals what they did and who they hurt, but it should not replace jail time.

 Table #3:  Restorative Justice allows people to do more for the young. It allows for a second chance to improve themselves and their actions.

 Table #4: Restorative Justice will not help prevent the violence; people will think there are no serious consequences for their actions.

 Table #5: It depends on crime and age of criminal. People could learn more from community service served than from going to jail.

 Table #6: Restorative Justice improves the person mentally and shows a better way to live.

 Table #7: With traditional punishment, you usually don’t get the opportunity to apologize. Restorative Justice provides a better outlook and better chance at life.

 Table #8: Making peace and restoring harmony makes peace flourish from local, state, national and world.

 Table #9: Restorative Justice is better than traditional punishment; it can help criminals realize what they did and who it affected.

 Table #10: In school, punishment should be used to restore peace. Restorative Justice could be good for small crimes but not for large crimes because some people might lie to get out of jail time.

 Table #11: Our presenter’s high school uses Restorative Justice. It’s a very good process and we heard an example of how it is used in their school.

 Table #12:  Criminals can learn from their mistakes; Restorative Justice can provide a more reasonable punishment. It’s more cost effective and helps the individual see the effects and consequences for others, including the community.

At lunch time, each table was joined by the following community leaders who shared a meal as well as deeper discussion:

• Dan DiDomzio, Professor, Cardinal Stritch University
• Lynda Jones, Editor, Milwaukee Courier
• Judge Phil Chavez
• Police Officer Charlotte Brown
• Officer Derrick Lemmie, District Three Community Liaison Officer, Milwaukee Police
• Barbara Pollach, Elizabeth Brinn Foundation
• Tyrone Dumas, Project Coordinator for Building Usage and Community Relations
• Officer Michelle Angiolo, Milwaukee Police Department, School Resource Office
• Oliver Johnson, Prison fellowship
• Steve Jagler, Editor, BizTimes Milwaukee (formerly Small Business Times)
• Elana Kahn-Oren, Editor In Chief,  Milwaukee Jewish Chronical
• Hope DeVougas, Milwaukee Regional Coordinator for Senator Feingold's office
• Mike Builder, Milwaukee Regional Coordinator for Senator Feingold's office
  

  

During the afternoon, each participating youth organization, congregation or school planned a project or activity with the purpose of bringing reconciliation and peace to their community or neighborhood. Here are the plans:

Safe and Sound – Neighborhood House: SOF

How we can all get together to change our Community.

Safe and Sound – Milwaukee Christian Center:          “I’m not…”

Breaking through negative stereotypes of young people of all races and ethnicities

Safe and Sound – Journey House: Peer Mediation Council

Form with youth council to deal with incidents of wrong doing within Journey House’s youth center and/or among its youth members

Wisconsin Conservatory of Lifelong Learning: Restorative Justice

Expand our current restorative justice program to include not only the grade school but also the high school by performing a skit to recruit more people for the program.

Salam High School:  Pay for your Words

Every time a student uses a harmful words, that person will pay 25 cents into a jar; collected money will fund a good cause we will choose later.

Marquette University High School:  “What not to say”

A week dedicated to not saying offensive things. Each day, we can do something different  -- skits, presentations, ways to represent different words

Messmer High School:  Messmer Community Clean-up

Neighborhood Beautification project, a community service for the elderly and pride strengthening as we live out our mission of service.

Carmen HS of Science and Technology:  Fair Justice

It will be difficult but educational and fun learning experience to incorporate the Restorative Justice model into our community trust (disciplinary committee)

Milwaukee Learning Lab and Institute:  Circle of Life

Creative performance to start restorative justice circles at school

New Hope Missionary Baptist Church: Teen Dating and Violence

Raising awareness about violence within Teen Dating – how it effects teens, mentally, physically and verbally

At the end of the day, participants were invited to evaluate their experience and make comments about their learning and their role as community leaders. Here are some of the youth comments:

General Learning:

• Pebbles made me realize how others care.
• Pebbles taught me a lot of things I didn’t know. Without this new program, I would be lost!
• By learning new things, makes us successful.
• I learned how people can hurt themselves by not forgiving someone.
• Today’s program helped explain a lot about forgiveness.
• I learned you can apologize and find peace even without being forgiven… and you can forgive someone and find peace without receiving an apology.
• Pebbles showed me many different ways to apologize.
• This helped me recognize a good and sincere apology, and how to be a more flexible and warm person.
• I learned that it takes both apology and forgiveness to have a complete reconciliation.
• The person you are trying to apologize to doesn’t have to accept your apology. As long as you repented, you can forgive yourself and move on.
• Being in a group of diverse people, I learned a lot about different cultures, different races and even different religions.
• Apologies need to be sincere in order to work toward reconciliation.
• Apologies aren’t even necessary for me to give forgiveness.
• I learned that if you don’t forgive others, it can cause stress in yourself.
• You can forgive someone, without an apology. Forgiveness leaders to less stress, and then you can move on.
• I learned that you can feel like you have been forgiven if you repent, because you can forgive yourself, even if the person you wronged won’t forgive you or even talk with you.
• At Pebbles, you can learn about topics that people don’t usually discuss.  

Regarding Talking Circles:

• It’s easier to talk about problems with others when you are in a talking circle.
• Talking circles allow us to sit and reflect and have a conversation about the situation.
• This method shows a more understanding way to prevent future violence from  happening in certain situations, just by giving an alternative punishment.
• Talking out the problem helps find a solution so the end result won’t involve more violence.
• In a talking circle, you will be more willing to hear others out and understand their perspectives.
• Talking circles help you respect others and not interrupt when someone else is expressing their feelings.
• When you talk in talking circles, you ten to become more open to listening to others.
• Learning circles can be used to explain both sides of a story effectively.
• When you talk in a talking circle, it feels as if a weight on your shoulders has been lifted. 

Regarding their role as Leaders who can make a positive impact:

• The adult community leaders were very much like us when they were children.
• I’m a leader, and leaders show others the way to act.
• I have good leadership skills and a confident attitude.
• I have good intentions and will contribute what I learned to the community.
• I can be a role model for others.
• I am a an influential leader in my community, and I have a lot of respect in my school.
• I can have a positive impact if I do good things and teach people the lessons of peace.
• I liked how we got to interact with each other, I liked meeting community leaders, and I liked how after lunch, each group had a young person act as a presenter.
• Pebbles had a positive effect on me, so I feel I can pass it on.
• I believe in the power of One. Anyone can make a difference.
• I can be a better leader and listen to people’s problems more.
• I am just a pebble, but I can take a step forward and believe there are other pebbles like me. Where there are enough pebbles, we impact our community.

These are some of the comments and insights of adult participants:

• Pebbles helps young people learn to lead and to take on leadership roles.
• The concept of talking circles should be shared with our political leadership. We need more collaboration.
• Pebbles shows us different areas to target; we can adjust our programs and address these issues.
• Talking circles make sure everyone affected by the conflict has an opportunity to share and communicate their side of the story.
• Even when you repent or forgive, reconciliation is not always possible; but we can walk away with the sense of knowing that we did our part.
• This program gave me some new ideas for how to incorporate learning about forgiveness and reconciliation into our programming. It also have me a chance to bond with some of our students.
• Talking circles help us be more aware of our emotions and who has been harmed rather than just what rules/laws have been broken.
• There really are “cool” ways to teach these concepts to teens and pre-teens.
• It’s a good reminder that forgiveness frees the forgiver.
• Pebbles has allowed youth from my school to witness other young people in leadership roles. It has also given my students the opportunity to speak out, brains storm and propose new ideas and solutions.

Representatives from every participating group are invited to return to Cardinal Stritch University to present their projects and share their learning. The public is also invited. Please join us on Sunday, April 25 at 3:00 PM.

Steve Jagler, Editor, BizTimes Milwaukee wrote about Pebbles in his blog:

http://www.biztimes.com/blogs/milwaukee-biz-blog/2009/11/24/these-young-people-are-ready-to-take-on-the-world