Transformational Living

In my 2002 study, when I interviewed young people from Tomorrow’s Present, I asked them about their experiences with leadership, and what kinds of situations would evoke in them a desire to lead. They never used the word, “transformation.” Yet, they mostly spoke of five principles that had been identified by CEOs and teachers in independent studies as transformational, In fact, I realized I used these the same five principles myself as both a swim coach and parent.

The Teenagers reported being most interested in becoming leaders in situations when these five principles were put into action:

People in charge listen to the needs and ideas of people “at the bottom.” The Bank president listens to the janitor’s ideas, since the janitor has experience in an area the president does not. Everyone has something to offer, and everyone has something to learn.

Diverse ideas and perspectives challenge people to think more deeply and learn more fully.  Because this is sometimes threatening, many people end up hiring a staff of people who think alike and sometimes even look alike. Diversity often brings on conflict, but it’s that conflict that demands re-thinking and leads to the best ideas and solutions.

Sometimes, everyone tugs the group toward different goals because of different agendas and unexpressed assumptions. Reflection and honest communication can get everyone on the same page so the trust level increases, and people go the extra mile to accomplish their shared purpose.

A group needs integrity. Everyone needs to hold each other accountable. When the members of a group don’t practice what they preach, it hurts everyone. Integrity means you live out your values and you serve the world by making it a better place – when no one is looking, and when everyone is looking.

Teens are willing to take responsibility when they get the “stuff” they need. Physical stuff, like tools, supplies and a place to make it happen. Emotional stuff, like support, affirmation, and care. In fact, they need support from two sources: from a skilled mentor who will call them forward and give them direction, as well as from peers who will share the experience and provide balance and perspective.

 Further research on these areas revealed a remarkable pattern: learning, reflection, leadership and service/action appeared to be mutually dependent on each other; furthermore, they occur together in a predictable cycle. In fact, practitioners in each of the four fields use similar processes that include all four experiences (service/action, learning, reflection and leadership) in the same order; moreover, they all require support in order to be successful.

SERVICE and the Pastoral Circle

Social workers and community activists often talk about the process called the “Pastoral Circle.

 This process has four movements that are easily described by this story of family service.

Years ago, our family served meals at a local soup kitchen. The first time we went, our son was reluctant and remained at the stove, with obvious anger and resentment--until he noticed a boy he knew from school standing in the line. Suddenly his mood changed. “The Poor” had a name and a familiar face! His anger vanished and he became curious. Seeing his friend brought him new awareness.

In the car all the way home, he bombarded us with questions: How can my friend be poor? Where do his parents work? Where do they live? Why don’t they have enough money for food? We did our best to explain about minimum wage, cost of living, the economy, and a lack of affordable housing. This conversation began his learning experience. He was taking in new information, doing a deeper exploration of the situation.

Back at home, he became very quiet. He turned off a TV program about world poverty and stomped up to his room, mumbling, “Don’t they know we have poor people living right here?” He disappeared for the rest of the day. It was difficult to digest everything. He was struggling, reflecting, letting things settle. He was starting to try to apply his new knowledge to life.

He finally decided to return to the soup kitchen, to share a meal with the people there, and to listen to the stories of their lives. He even invited two of his friends to come. He emerged with his action plan of what to do next. He was ready to be sent back to service, obviously open to another cycle of Learning, Reflection, and Leadership.

The four movements of the Pastoral Circle correspond to four of the principles originally outlined above:

In this story, the support was provided by me and his friends. I gave him the challenging support of a mentor. Imagine if I had said, “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go get some ice cream.” The story might have ended there. But I was willing to pull him forward by giving him new information to consider. He also had two friends willing to go to the soup kitchen with him. They gave him peer support.

LEARNING and the Four G’s of Teaching

The learning cycle is taught to teachers and educators. In my work with teenagers, I simplify the language of the learning cycle and call it “the 4 G’s of Teaching.” A group of young people giving a workshop about water consumption used the 4 G’s of Teaching in this way:

The four movements of the Learning Cycle correspond to those of the Pastoral Circle in this way:

In this example, the support could come from two places. If the participants attended this workshop with their siblings and parents, their parents would provide mentoring support, and their siblings would provide peer support. Back at home, it would take both kinds of support for them to follow through and form new habits. If the participants attended with a teacher, then they would probably need a homework assignment and a letter to the parents to ensure that their families took this seriously. The participants couldn’t bring about transformation without some adult support (either from parents and/or their teacher) and peer support (from either their siblings or their schoolmates).

REFLECTION and Discernment

Spiritual directors, therapists, counselors and life coaches are all interested in helping people live more mindfully. They assist their clients with discovering their values, and finding ways to align their values with the way they live out their lives.

Imagine your friend is troubled with stomach aches and is having problems sleeping through the night. He seeks counseling with a professional and is asked to be more observant about his life, to look for times when his stomach acts up.

He begins to notice the most pain at staff meetings, whether he eats or not, no matter what he eats. He starts to think about what might be troubling him at these meetings, and he realizes that his company isn’t very earth friendly. He remembers that he almost applied for a job in a “green company,” but decided against it when he saw that the new job would involve a cut in his salary.

Your friend brings this up at his next session and is encouraged to talk about what made that other job more attractive than his current job. He realizes that being green is a value in his life, and yet he continues to work at a job where the people waste water, waste paper, and don’t recycle. This new insight motivates him to consider his options.

He gives it a week. Every night when he walks the dog, he uses that quiet time to think things through. He wonders what other jobs there might be available. He wonders how hard it might be for him to convince others at his workplace to be less wasteful and more aware of conservation. He wonders how difficult it might be to live with a smaller paycheck.

Eventually, he resolves his issues by coming up with a plan. He will provide a cost analysis for his company, to show the money they could save by being less wasteful and more earth-friendly. If he cannot convince the staff to make real changes in the next six months, he will begin to look for a new job, even if it means a pay cut. He explains his plan to his wife and his counselor. They think it’s a great idea. His wife starts to find ways to cut costs at home. He feels so much better, that his stomach pains go away.

The four movements of Discernment correspond to those of the Learning Cycle and the Pastoral Circle in this way:

In this story, your friend’s mentor support comes from his counselor, and his peer support comes from his wife. He would probably not have tackled this problem without the challenging direction provided by his counselor, but he might not have stuck with his plan if his wife hadn’t been willing to assist with his efforts.

LEADERSHIP and SODAS

Most CEOs will tell you that leadership rests with decision making. Those who can make good decisions make good leaders. Those, who can’t, don’t. Youth workers are familiar with the decision making method called, “SODAS.” I usually teach this method to a new group by actually using a variety of sodas – diet and regular, caffeine and caffeine-free, in bottles and in cans, etc. I ask a few teens to choose a soda, and then we process how it was done. Often a young person will say something like this: she looked over the sodas, realized she had different options, thought about how she prefers bottles because you can put the cap back on, yet she felt sleepy and the only sodas with caffeine came in cans, and were diet, and she hated diet soda. She decided to go with real sugar, in a bottle, even though it had no caffeine.

We would use the same method with a more difficult situation like deciding on what kind of fundraiser to hold.

• Describe the Situation. The teens would identify how much money they needed, how much time they had to put into a fundraiser, and what talents/skills they had or assistance they could count on… need, timeline and resources.
• Explore the Options. The teens would then list all the ideas they could think of.
• Reflect on the Disadvantages and Advantages. The teens would next make a chart and analyze each of their ideas according to their criteria. Their fundraiser would have to raise a certain amount of money in a certain framework of time, using only the resources they knew they could provide. There might be other factors, such as activities that were more fun, activities that hadn’t been done recently, etc.
• Choose the Best Solution. The teens would make their choice based on the factors they identified and analyzed. Then they would follow through with their plan.

The four movements of SODAS correspond to those of the Pastoral Circle, Learning Cycle, and Discernment in this way:

In this example, the support comes from the peers, who are actively involved with the process and have some stake in the outcome; and from me, their mentor, who is steering them toward choices that are practical and doable.

When graphically depicted in a model, these four experiences form a fractal, a pattern in which each of the four involves each of the four. The arrows in the model represent the fifth element of support, which is needed in order to encourage any person to continue through the movements of the cycle.

In all areas, Service, Learning, Reflection and Leadership, greater success comes with support from both (1) a skilled mentor who can provide challenge and direction and (2) a group of peers or colleagues who can provide balance and perspective.

This method, called Transformational Living (or Transformational Ministry), is the basis for Tomorrow’s Present, the youth leadership training in Milwaukee supported by House of Peace and The Leadership Center of Cardinal Stritch University.

In all of our programming, young people are given leadership roles, in partnership with adults. They become both learners and teachers with diverse methods, they reflect and apply their learning, and find ways to bring it home and put it into action. Then they return and the cycle begins again. The more often young people attend our training events, the better they become at all of the essential skills of leadership, service, learning, reflection and finding/giving support.

The director and founder of Tomorrow’s Present, Dr. Lisa Calderone-Stewart, has been diagnosed with terminal bile duct cancer; a Legacy Fund has been started in order to further her work with youth and adults. More details about her research are available at this website: www.tomorrowspresent.org.

For updates on her health and journey, visit Dr. Calderone’s blog, “Dying to Know You Better.”